I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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