Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
