hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
