dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
