so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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