If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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