Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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