I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
