i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
