Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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