Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize