If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
