Cold hands, warm shart.
i just google imaged poop.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
