Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
