Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He has the fingertips of a God
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize