if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
