can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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