Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it's like iHOP with fire
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
