I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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