ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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