True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
