The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
