i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
