I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
