Cold hands, warm shart.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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