id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
