have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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