He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
