Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
