I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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