I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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