You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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