and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Randomize
