The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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