Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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