I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
only if we run a train.
done.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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