He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
