Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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