I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She said her name was "party"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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