just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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