i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
