He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
