dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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