Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
