In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
