dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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