she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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