no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
