I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
