he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
