i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
zippers are such a cool invention
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
