Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
