next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
