So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
