She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
