it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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