I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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