where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This girl is more easily done than said...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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