dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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