Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
