I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
