what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
