He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
