Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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