my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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