You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
