We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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