My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
