Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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