just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
