I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
