I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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