I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
