I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
