cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Randomize
