false alarm. still invincible.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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