i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
