My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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