Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
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