On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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