Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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