He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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