Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
