the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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