I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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