i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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