The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
