The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just pee around me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
