I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
