Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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