He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
